Tuesday, May 31, 2011


So, I'm not sure how often I'm gonna do this whole writing thing. I guess when the mood hits me, I'll write. First of all, thanks to my new supporters/followers! It makes me happy to know that I'm not just writing, hitting click, and my post disappears into cyberland. Second, I had to face a fear today....wearing a swimsuit in public...

I HATE being in a swimsuit in public. But, the kiddos are in swim lessons and in order for Amelia to partake, I must be in the water with her. So, I donned the lycra pieces I have and went to the water. Now, I hate suits for a couple of reasons. One, I am as white as an albino, and don't think its nice to blind the poor pool patrons. Two, I am fat. Nuff said. Three: I have some beastly scars on my leg and people STARE. Now, I understand that when one sees a mangled leg its hard not to look. I look when I see people with injuries, but I don't stare. I don't even care when KIDS stare. Its when the other moms are looking around and they focus on it and look and look and look...its like, come ON lady....if it was just cellulite (which the genetic gods have not hit me too hard with) you wouldn't stare...Luckily, I usually have a sense of humor about the situation and let it go. but there were LOTS of 'starers' today. Oh well, they had better get used to it.

I digress...I looked terrible. the bottoms weren't so bad, but the top was horrible. First, and excuse me if this is TMI, but my boobs are not amazing. I have breastfed two kids. They aren't perky like they were 10 years ago, and this swimsuit shows that. Next, when I gain weight, one of the first places I gain is my back boobs. Couldn't I just move that fat to the front and make my real boobs fantastic??? (Heavenly Father, this is a design idea for later...just sayin') Anyway, it gave me even MORE incentive to stick to the diet. And you know what? I was awesome today at the pool, surrounded by vending machines. I stuck to my protein bar and water and was very proud of myself. The reward is not instantaneous, but it will come. and when it does, I will only have one set of boobs. :)

Funny fat bathing suit  cartoon from June 20, 2007

Monday, May 30, 2011

Ugh...this is my starting point...eew.

This picture was taken in mid-May. eew. Bad hair day and windy day outside. but it shows how much work is needed!

Day 1

Today was the first day of my new healthy life. I have forever been a yo-yo dieter, doing what I needed to in order to fit that one amazing outfit. Needless to say, lots of ups and downs in the last 3.5 years has caused my scale to do the same thing...go up and down....many times. I have been in a horrific accident that made me look at the things that REALLY matter in life. I have graduated from college. I have had a baby. I have had my first real teaching job. These are the BIG things within a bunch of other little things. I have changed A LOT in the last 3.5 years

One thing that hasn't changed? My relationship with food. I am and have always been an emotional eater. Broke up with a boyfriend in H.S.? Lets eat ice cream and curse his name. Got the lead role in a show? Lets celebrate with food so rich you feel like a queen. pregnancy emotions...cravings...medications...all these things have contributed to my weight. Everything comes down to this: I am NOT in control when it comes to food! Today, that changed.

I have tried almost EVERY diet out there. Jenny Craig, weight watchers (for one day), medifast, the 3 day diet, only eating celery sticks and cottage cheese, everything!!! Through all of these, I have learned many valuable tools like portion control, learning my eating triggers, timing, etc. I know the tricks, but applying them has always been hard. This is why I am beginning my new journey with a tried and true diet...a combination of brands of high-protein low-fat diet foods. Before the "Big Bang", I lost 30 lbs with it and kept it off until after the accident where depression and medication helped me gain it back. This time is different. This time, I have EXERCISE!!!

I hated P.E. in school. Now, I get up and go to the gym on purpose! I am addicted to BodyPump, a Les Mills class (google it...SO AWESOME). I modify the exercises to fit my still somewhat disabled body, and I have seen a vast improvement in strength. Now, to combine the eating habits and the exercise should be very exciting.

This first post is designed to show you where I am at. I will not post my weight, because to me (someone that has been classified "big boned" by at least 5 doctors and orthopedic surgeons), the number on the scale doesn't matter. According to the BMI chart (which does NOT take into account bone structure), for my height, I should be no more than 121 lbs. HA! Never GONNA HAPPEN! I would look so sickly. I refuse to get that small. I have a size goal of 10 in pants and medium in tops. I will be posting pics along the way to share my accomplishments.

Hopefully this blog will help me in the area of accountability. I know that if I have to post updates to the blog (and subsequently FB), I don't wanna post "Well, I screwed up and had the cheeseburger". Nope, not my style. So friends, please follow this blog. Help me help myself. Maybe I have a friend who is dealing with a similar struggle and this could give them the extra "oomph" they need to get going. I hope it can be inspirational for others and me.